Have you ever sat by a window and watched cars drive by and wonder who the people are, where they are going, what type of life do they have?
Or watched people in cafes and bars, listening to their loud conversations, watching their faces as they laugh, cry, share and learn with their loved ones?
I have. Have you then allowed yourself to think that they may have a much better life than you do? That they would have to be smarter, happier, richer, more successful than you.
If we were being honest, we have all done this at some point in our lives. What we need to be careful of is that we do this only some of the time. We are human and none of us is perfect so this being unsure about who we are will happen to everyone.
However, if it becomes a regular occurrence, where you constantly compare yourself to others and you tell yourself that you are not enough then sadly that is exactly what will happen. If the story that you are telling yourself is that you are not good enough then this will show up at work, with family and friends. You will never be enough for you or for anyone else.
Every morning I have the following affirmations I read out to myself
· Today is the future I created yesterday, and it is an awesome day
· My mind body and soul are nourished
· I am ready for life experiences I know I can handle
· I love myself and am surrounded by those who love me
And on my shower wall I have my goals for the year that I aim to achieve. I am very clear about who I am and where I am going in life.
Change your words and you can change your world. Your mind doesn’t create the story, your inner voice tells your mind what the story should be, and it believes it.
How do you start telling a different story?
Be aware of it to start with, I remember when I wanted to stop saying the word sorry all the time, I wore an elastic band around my wrist and every time I said the word unnecessarily, I snapped the band. Other than a very sore wrist, I gave up using the word sorry all the time.
I want you to think about how you can change your words from being limiting, to empowering. I have always told my kids to shoot for the furthest star because when you land it will much further than you ever thought.
2019 was the year from hell for me and I remember even on my worst days, I would write down something, even if it was just the one thing that had happened that day that had filled me with love, laughter or life. It is amazing how you can change your focus onto the positive regardless of how shit a day you are having.
More than words itself you however you have to change your thoughts. I can roleplay an entire situation in my mind before the event happens. The problem is that I will often do this at 2am and then find it impossible to go to sleep. Worse I would have created the worst outcome, woken up tired, emotional, feeling like I had covered every possible scenario that was going to happen in the meeting and none of it does.
My counsellor once said to me, its like being at a train station, you have all these trains (thoughts) pulling up, choose the one you want to get on!
Growing up as a child whenever we went to visit my dad’s family the conversation always started with how much weight you had put on or not and this has continued to today. It is not uncommon to be told that the last time they saw me I was thinner!
You can imagine the stories I tell myself prior to visiting them even today, I have to consciously move myself into the mindset of what they see and say does not matter, what I see and say matters more.
Like with anything that needs to change you need to act. And when you are committed to acting opportunities come your way that you would not have seen before.
When I write my goals and put them on my shower wall the thought of not achieving them never occurs to me. I always believe that I will get there.
Oprah Winfrey in an interview was asked, what would she do if her show failed, now we all know that didn’t happen. Her answer was, if it fails, I will still do well, because I am not defined by a show. We are defined by the way we treat ourselves and other people and there are other important things in life.
I love her ability to not be defined by her show but by her identity…. I will still do well and there are more important things in life.
Amen to that…..
“Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we will ever do” – Dr Brene Brown
The story you tell yourself about who you are, where you are in life is all about our identity. Remember you have more than one story to tell, who you are and where you are going in life, keep a watchful eye on the stories that you do tell yourself because unchecked it will become your reality.